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I used to be flexible,
becoming more brittle each year.
What now seems like a mundane fact
used to be a wild fear.
And I’m no longer in love with praising
the absurd face of the high life
by wishing to be ravished by it,
by comparing it to my life.

I used to have nothing to say.
I wasn’t brave enough to say I’m brave.
And when I’m put to the test of what to say,
I say “What good is talk anyway?”

Maybe next year
I will lay down in the street of my convictions.
Maybe next time
I’ll pay no heed to your predictions.
I could be elegantly plain,
styled by relevant pain, and breakable.
A loon in flight, using and losing my brain.
I would be calm, crippled, and capable.
Cool, compromised, and sane,
I’d be a broken blade
that had to cut across the grain.

I used to be more flexible,
used to bend toward the will of the earth.
But I’m still unfit and fallible,
waiting till I fall back to birth.

I used to be more flexible,
but it didn’t do any good.
Everyone had to adapt to where I bent,
because I always thought they could.
I was given all facility to help,
but I could only think of myself.

I kept wishing I would break,
thinking I was a fake,
feeding on a false sense of immunity
or on the mistakes I didn’t make,
due the the actions I didn’t take.
Skin all creped and eyes shut.
I used to be more flexible, so what?


from Wonder Worry Wonder, released July 11, 2017



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Julian Cartwright New Jersey

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